I’ve been on diets and weight loss programs since the age of 7.
If losing weight were an Olympic Sport, I could have taken home the gold medal by the time I was 10.
You see…
- I got really good at outsmarting what ever plan or program I was on.
- I got really good at “fake it till you make it” and motivational pump-me-ups.
- I got really good at tricking the scale, tricking my stomach, and tricking my mind.
- I got really good at living my life hungry, tired, miserable and restricted.
Yup I mastered them alright, but there was a major cost.
Essentially I got really good at outsmarting and deceiving myself.
But it didn’t just stop there. You know what else came about as a result?
In order to maintain my results or feel in ‘control’ of my body, I had to outsmart myself every single day!
It exhausted me.
It consumed my life.
It consumed all of my inner-thoughts.
If a friend called me to have dinner, my first thoughts would be:
“Crap! Do they have a salad there that would fill me up?”
Then one of my voices would chime in and say:
“Well if I’m really ‘good’ all week and do extra cardio sessions at the gym, then I can earn my ‘cheat meal’ and feel really good about it!”
Looking back at the umpteen times this happened or the bazillion different types of situations like this that occurred in my life on a daily basis, you know what I now realize?
I was missing out on my life!
Instead of getting excited about connecting with people I love, I was getting STRESSED about what to eat or how my body appeared when I was with them.
Instead of engaging and focusing in on the conversations or connections at hand, I was focusing on what I ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ eat….and if I should get dessert or not!
And instead of actually sitting down and gifting myself the experience of a delicious meal cooked to my liking in a fun environment with beautiful people, I was feeling guilty or anxious or pensive….about food and my body!
So yea, I had motivation, discipline, and willpower in-check.
And I was indeed able to sculpt that rockin’ body, toned tushy, and ‘healthy lifestyle’ that I always dreamed of having.
But you know what else I had?
It left me with a very toxic relationship with my body and a very toxic relationship with food.
And to be honest, that toxicity had very little to do with what I was eating or how much I weighed.
It had everything to do with my relationship with food and my relationship with my body.
My whole life I was so concerned with becoming ‘skinny’ or ‘hot’, I never realized how much it was COSTING me and my freedom.
Food was the boss of me.
I was a slave to my brutal workout routine to ensure that I didn’t gain anything back.
24 hours a day, 365 days a year, the life and body I worked so hard for was actually at the mercy of food and exercise.
What to eat and how to stick with it weren’t the problem in the end. I learned the motivation and discipline ‘game’ backwards and forwards.
The real struggle was the simple truth that if I wanted to win those ‘games’ every single day, it involved massive amounts of energy, grit, blood, sweat, and tears to maintain.
Because no matter how motivated or disciplined I got myself to be on a day to day basis, food and exercise still ruled my every move.
No matter what size I wore or how much weight I lost, I still had a Fat Head sitting on top of my body, carrying around the weight of the weight.It doesn’t matter how much you weigh or what size you wear…
If you have (what I call) a Fat Head sitting on top of your body, you will always be carrying around the weight of the weight.
Most women think they have a weight ‘problem’ or a food ‘problem’ or a laziness ‘problem’, but I don’t believe that any of those things are the problem.
Women are indeed walking around with a weight ‘problem’, but it’s the weight of the weight that is weighing them down.
- The weight of the shame, blame, guilt, and comparison that usually comes alongside typical weight loss methods (aka the Bitches)
- The weight of the plans and programs that cause them to restrict themselves, punish themselves, or persuade themselves to do the things they don’t really want to do.
- The weight of ‘waiting for the weight’ to live the life they want to live – to wear what they want to wear, do what they want to do, have what they want to have, and be who they want to be.
THAT is the weight that is truly weighing you down and KEEPING you on this rollercoaster of a ride with your body.
Your journey is simply a weighted one.
weight (n.): downward force of body, heaviness, burden, mass
weight (v.): to load with weight
weigh (v.): measure, carry, bear, move
So what if you simply ditched THAT weight when it came to food and exercise?
Here’s how:
Symptom #1 : You use food as a Weapon of Mass Control.
When your Fat Head is the one calling the shots, it’s only natural that it might start to feel like food controls YOU more than you control IT.
And this is when food has the tendency to become a means for you to control yourself, compare yourself, or judge yourself.
Examples include:
- Always thinking about, counting, measuring, or weighing food
- Constantly restricting yourself, starving yourself, or punishing yourself
- Always ‘cutting calories’
- Using it as a comfort or escape,
- Feeling guilty after you eat
- Feeling ashamed because of what or how much you ate
- Feeling cranky, depleted, hungry, or sad because of food.
But it doesn’t just stop there. For a lot of people, somewhere along the way, food became PERSONAL, and instead of it simply remaining an inanimate object like a plant or a thumbtack, it became a means of judgment, control, or comparison.
The Solution: Make peace with food and use it as a Tool of Mass Influence.
There’s a lot of ‘voices’ out there labeling certain foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘wrong’ or ‘right’. But I believe that it’s blanket statements such as these that add shame and judgment to a topic that doesn’t require anyone else’s opinions or feedback.
Food is indeed a personal thing when it comes to your desires, your preferences, and what tickles your fancy, but it doesn’t have to be used as a weapon or a source of judgment.
What you eat, how much you eat, and the way you eat is personal choice. Food is a resource, a tool, and a form of energy, and it’s no one’s business but your own. The judgment that comes alongside food and what you eat is completely optional, and when it’s there, it takes away the pleasure and connection food has the power to create.
Start to call a truce with food and if nothing more, stop making food out to be the ‘enemy’. If little by little you remove the disconnect you have with food, and create some new connections, one day you and food really can become ‘friends’. Only then will you be able to use food as the powerful tool that it truly is — a tool for pleasure, nourishment, connection, and healing. In the meantime, just let it be neutral. Let it be food.
Symptom #2 : You use your body as a Weapon of Mass Control.
When your Fat Head is the one in charge, you might feel like your body controls YOU more than you control IT – as in, you feel like a prisoner in your own body.
And this is when you might have the tendency to use your body to control yourself, compare yourself, or judge yourself.
Examples include:
- Punishing your body with workouts.
- Obsessing over the scale (or letting the scale dictate your self-worth)
- Using comparison as a weapon – – whether it’s the clothes you want to wear, your body type, or the number of push-ups you can do
- Allowing your body to create a disconnect in relationships or intimacy
- Using the mirror as a weapon to compare or reject yourself
- Using pictures or photos as a weapon to compare or reject yourself
- Using social media (or the media in general) as a weapon to compare or reject yourself
- Using your body as an excuse not to do the things you want to do.
- Using your body as an excuse why you aren’t [happy/fulfilled/successful/fill-in-the-blank]
The Solution: Make peace with your body and use it as a Tool of Mass Influence.
Your body (and your brain) is a miraculous piece of machinery. Sure it’s extremely complex, but if you start tuning into your own body (what it requires and desires), you’ll find that a lot of that mystery goes away.
When you lay down the weapons of control, comparison, and judgment, it leaves you the space to use your body, your breath, and movement to set your body free.
Use movement as a tool towards freedom in your body. Find something you love, that feels ‘safe’, and where there isn’t any judgment placed upon you.
Use the mirror as just a mirror – not as a means to reflect on the parts of your body you don’t approve of. Begin to get to know yourself naked.
If you’re going to weigh and measure yourself, know what those numbers do and don’t represent.
Use pain as a tool and an indicator that your body needs some rest or rejuvenation – that your breathing or movement patterns need to be addressed.
If nothing more, stop looking at your body as a burden, a curse, or your ‘downfall’. There’s people all over the world with circumstances far more life-altering than ‘back fat’ or a ‘muffin top’. Give yourself a bit of reality check when you forget things such as this. We all need one of those every once in a while.
Bottom Line: Your body and you are a tag team for the rest of your life…whether you like it or not.
Wave the white flag and begin to make peace with your body. If nothing more, start playing on the same ‘team’ as your body. Then you can start identifying and eliminating all the disconnects you have with your body and create some new connections – ones that serve you and your happiness.
Symptom #3 : You walk around with the weight of the weight.
When you walk around with a Fat Head , that’s when those inner voices in your head (that I call Bitches) come out and put a damper on your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth.
Specifically it’s the voices of shame, blame, guilt, and comparison.
It’s like carrying around a heavy sack of rocks on your back everywhere you go, every single day. And it’s all dead weight! You don’t have to carry it around with you, and it certainly doesn’t add or contribute to your life.
I wrote all all about it right here.
The Solution: Ditch the Bitch!
Identify where you are talking to yourself or about yourself through the eyes of guilt, shame, blame, or comparison, and take note of it.
Usually you’ll notice that the way you are talking to yourself would not be tolerated if it was coming from someone else.
You’re not gonna immediately start talking to yourself like you would a sister or your BFF. It doesn’t work like that.
But you could start asking yourself what you would say if you were talking to yourself like that– with acceptance, compassion, understanding, and respect.
Your inner self-talk determines what you say, what you do, and how you feel every single day. Influencing it is one of the most powerful things you can do to influence your life.
And it all starts with awareness.
If all you did was create an awareness of when you’re treating yourself like your own internal super-Bitch, you’d be shocked at the difference it can make.
Symptom #4 : You walk around feeling weighed down by whatever plan or program you are (or aren’t) following.
If your gameplan is sucking the fun out of your life and bogging you down, chances are your Fat Head is making the decisions and calling the shots:
Examples include:
- Not enjoying your food or fitness plan but committing to it anyways
- Feeling like crap all the time —no energy, grumpy, hungry
- Feeling ashamed of what you are doing to get ‘there’ — worried that it’s not safe for your body or a bad example to set for those around you
- Frustrated with yourself for what you aren’t doing or where you’re not complying.
- Constantly needing a new fix of motivation or accountability because your plan is hard to stick to long term.
- Feeling tired, sore, achy, injured, or experiencing symptoms of overtraining
- Feeling overloaded by information, overwhelmed, confused, or like things are more complex than you want them to be
- Adding even MORE to an over-packed, over-stressed life. (You can read all about that here)
The Solution: Ditch the weight of the journey that’s making you hate who you have to be or what you have to do to get ‘there’.
Experiment and find out what works for you. Chances are that if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing or how you’re feeling, it’s not the ‘right’ roadmap for you. You need your own map.
Eliminate the disconnect that your plan or program is creating, and find ways to create connection instead – connection to yourself and connection to your body.
In other words, find something you enjoy!
I think a lot of women think that change and transformation have to be miserable…or that you’re not supposed to enjoy the journey.
I couldn’t disagree more.
If you’re not a broccoli and Burpees kinda gal, then don’t commit yourself to eternal broccoli dinners and becoming a world-record Burpee-er.
On the flip side: If you love brownies and ‘lazy’ days on the couch, create a journey that enables you to include those WHILE getting to your goals.
It doesn’t have to be either/or.
I say, why can’t it be both?
Experiment and test out a bunch of modalities so that you can figure out what you enjoy and what can make you a better version of yourself in the meantime. Not only do you want to enjoy your life, but you also want to stick with it right?
Symptom #5 : You’re waiting for the weight to go live your life the way you really want to.
Thinking things like “when I lose the weight then I’ll wear that, commit to that, feel that way, be [successful/happy/loved/fill-in-the-blank]”, that’s a sign that your Fat Head is doing the talking.
I’m not saying not to want more for your future (by all means, aim high!). But if future-thinking is causing you to miss out on your life right now, there’s a good chance you’re waiting for the weight to live your best life.
Examples include:
- Not being present
- Holding yourself back in areas of your life that you truly want to be moving forward in (love life, career, hobbies, family)
- Don’t know yourself. If you’re disconnected from yourself, it’s harder to create change in yourself and to connect to others
- Don’t like yourself. First comes like, then comes love.
- Don’t trust yourself. If you don’t believe yourself that you’ll follow through on the promises you make to yourself, you’re going to have a really hard time creating that future you desperately desire.
The Solution: Stop waiting for the weight.
Do all you can right now to start influencing yourself, your body, and your life right now. After all, everywhere you go, there you’ll be, right?
What would happen if you started living right now as the person you think you’ll be when you achieve the body you desire?
How would she talk? How would she walk? How would she act? How would she feel?
Get to know yourself. Learn to like yourself. Learn to trust yourself.
Then that journey towards self-acceptance, self-love, and body-love will be a heck of a lot easier.
Your life is happening right now. If you spend all your time living, worrying, or projecting into the future, you’re going to miss out on your life. Don’t wait for the weight to start living your life as your most beautiful, powerful, and confident self.
Bottom Line: Your life and your body are comprised of so much more than what you eat, what you weigh, or how many squats you can do.
In fact all of these ‘measurements’ can be used against you as a weapon if you’re not aware when your Fat Head infiltrates your headspace.
You’re allowed to want more for yourself. I say go make those changes, set those goals, and take your life to the next level.
