How Well Do You Know, Like, & Trust Yourself?

No doubt you heard the following in song-like fashion growing up:

“First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”

Remember that one?

It’s cute. It’s memorable. But it’s not REALLY how life works.

Nope, not at all.

There’s this whole ‘courting’ process that goes on before anyone even thinks about throwing out the L-word.

It should really go:

First comes LIKE, then comes LOVE (and then you can have your happily ever after).

And this doesn’t just go for finding a partner or the love of your life either.

It starts right back at the very beginning….with YOU.

Let’s look at this from the ‘Ditch the Bitch’ perspective.

If there’s something in your life that you don’t love– anything you don’t love about you, your body, your lifestyle– there’s most likely a little Bitch whispering in your ear and reminding you of this fact.

You don’t just POOF magically start loving your body or yourself by simply reading Eat, Pray, Love or a Tony Robbins book. (but it might make you crave pizza and gelato) 🙂

Just like they say in business, you first need to KNOW, LIKE, & TRUST someone before you do business with them.

This is where I believe self-help and personal development drop the ball.

You can find a million books or programs that talk about learning to truly love yourself (trust me, I own a lot of them).

But I’ve yet to come across one that mentions this one important factor when it comes to self love.

The ‘Know, Like, Trust’ Factor. 

Learning to love yourself is fine and dandy if that’s the natural next progression, but for a lot of women ‘looking for love’, it’s not.

I set out on that journey after I realized how downright Bitchy I was to myself– when I realized that my Bitches were not saying the niiiicest things to me.  (insert: understatement of the century)

And looking back, it was specifically those areas that I didn’t KNOW, LIKE, or TRUST my body, my self, or my lifestyle (habits, routines, etc).

It’s no wonder my road to self- love was so curvy and bumpy… I skipped the first step!

Let’s look at Bitchery through another lens for just a moment.

The language of the Bitch is FEAR

The opposite of FEAR is LOVE

LOVE is comprised of KNOW LIKE TRUST

My body for example:

• Didn’t like it (from a very young age)
• Didn’t trust it (especially after my surgery)
• Didn’t know it (the parts or functions I didn’t ‘know’ were the ones that I didn’t trust or like)

They all work together: The more you know someone or something….and like them…chances are you trust them more.

I’m not suggesting you settle for merely liking yourself and give up on love.

Nope, not what I mean AT ALL.

I’m merely suggesting that you streamline the road to love by going through KNOW LIKE TRUST first….and your road to self-love will be so much faster, easier, and less bumpy.

PLUS it gives you a way to take a look at the areas you wish to ‘update’ without being Bitchy to yourself– without it becoming this personal attack.

Instead of focusing on the things you don’t like about yourself, you can simply start asking yourself:

How can I know, like, trust  [my body/life/self] more/better?

And here’s what makes this perspective doubly awesome:

The brain is your best friend when it comes to the ‘know like trust factor’.

Its job is to detect ‘threat’ and create a response to make you feel ‘safe’.

How’s it do that? Well it’s simply a matter of Prediction and Response.

I guarantee that the areas of your life that you don’t know, like, or trust….you simply don’t have the best prediction (of consistent future events) and therefore no appropriate response.

For example:

If the last time I went camping I got eaten alive by mosquitoes, camping would feel like a threat to my brain.

But for the next time I go camping, not as much of  a threat. Why?

• Increased prediction: Increased awareness- now I know about the mosquitoes and their biting-in-the-night tactics (little buggers!), so now it’s predictable.
• Increased response: insect repellent before I go to bed.

Increase prediction and increase response = less threat to your brain. 

So this makes increasing the ‘know like trust’ factor easy peazy….

Where can you simply increase your prediction and response (your body, your life) via creating consistency and rituals?

Pretty simple right?

And a whole lot easier than answering the question: How can I love myself more?

So now I turn it over to you.

Think of one area of your life where you just can’t seem to get OUT of your struggles.

Then instead of thinking about what you should DO, ask yourself where you can increase the KNOW, LIKE, TRUST factor in reference to THAT?

Then increase prediction (and an appropriate response), and I guarantee that your Know, Like, Trust factor will increase immediately.

Try it.

Double dog dare ya!