I don’t want my future daughter to grow up suffering from the insecurities that I had as a little girl or feeling the disconnect to herself or her body that I experienced for decades.
It’s easy for me to say right now (before I’m actually a mom) that it’s only a matter of having a few simple conversations to make this possible, but I truly believe it to be so.
Could it actually be THAT easy?
Could a few conversations really make the difference?
I’m willing to bet that our perception of ourselves, our bodies, and our lives can be molded in a confident, powerful, and beautiful light…with the right intentions.
I made a list of 5 things I would want my future daughter to know about
Her Body
Food
Feeling Sad or Scared
Her Gifts
I’ll make sure I share them all with you, but today, I’m going to share the 5 things I’ll be sharing with her about her body.
#1: It is your partner-in-crime and your operating vessel until the day you die
You are not your body. You are not your muscles or your bones or the birthmark on your left shoulder in the shape of Idaho.
But you and your body are a tag team. You will go everywhere together for as long as you live, and even though some days you might fight or get mad at each other or downright dislike each other over something that transpired, you need to learn to live together hand in hand.
Learn to live in unison. Learn not to fight or resist or grow spiteful of one another. If there’s something that causes you pain or distress, face it. Address it. Don’t let it remain un communicated or ignored. For these uproars are not benign and they will cause an impact within. The brain never forgets a fight between you and your body.
Get to the root of it and find a solution, not a patch or fix. Remember, your body is your ‘ride’ everywhere you go. It’s your vessel and your fellow carpooler, and you will be together for the rest of your life.
The best thing you can do is grow to KNOW LIKE and TRUST one another. (Who knows, maybe one day you can even become B.F.F.’s)
#2: What truly matters is how your body looks, moves, feels to YOU
I would empower her with the notion that SHE can decide what makes her feel beautiful in her own body. That if she doesn’t like the way it looks, moves, and feels, then it is her right to make improvements that would make her FEEL powerful, confident, and beautiful in her own skin, and that I support that 100%.
But I’d also make sure to stress the importance of deciding this for herself– without the influence of what others think…or what she THINKS others think. I would teach her how important it is to tune into her own body’s technician that is sending her powerful messages every day.
#3: Every time you move it, you get this flood of ‘happy hormones’ flowing through
Your body has the power to administer happy, safe, and natural drugs whenever you choose…and you have my permission to use these kind of drugs.
If I knew THAT about movement and exercise when I was a little girl, I guarantee I would have been off that couch a LOT more.
You see I always just thought that exercise and sports were things that I wasn’t good at, and that it always elicited a NEGATIVE response when I participated.
Made me feel foolish or less than (because I was clearly less fit than the others my age)
Made me feel excluded or disconnected (see also: Last kid picked in dodgeball)
Made me feel weak, stupid, ‘slow’ (self-comparison can be cruel when you’re young)
But boy oh boy, if I knew that I could have pumped a euphoric-like drug through the body of my life-long depressed self, I can almost guarantee that I would have been one active kid…and adult.
Exercise was always presented to me with triggers of NEGATIVE repercussions, so of course my stories mimicked this.
My daughter will know what it’s true and beautiful repercussions are.
#4: Ask Yourself : Is my body having fun?
My daughter will be encouraged to have fun….and find ways to enjoy her experience of her body every single day.
Does she enjoy dressing it?
Does she enjoy participating in activities that feel fun to her?
Does she enjoy living with that body at birthday parties and on the playground or at school dances?
And if she doesn’t, I won’t simplify the circumstances by encouraging her to eat less or lose weight in order to love it and enjoy the experience of it.
I’d simply ask her: What would make you enjoy your experience of it more? What would make you have more fun in your body? And then I’d help her try to create that– and remind her that her body is perfect just as it is– but that if she’s not having fun, then let’s get her to have more fun!
I’d always always remember: It shouldn’t make a difference how I feel about it. What matters is how she feels about it.
#5: Ask Yourself: Does it make me feel confident, powerful, beautiful, and free?
“Should I do this mommy?”
“Does it (or would it) make you feel confident powerful and beautiful?” I would ask
“Should I try that mommy?”
“Would it make you feel confident powerful and beautiful?” I would ask
“Mommy all the other girls are wearing their hair like that, should I?”
“Would it make you feel confident powerful and beautiful?” I would ask
This doesn’t mean that I would always have a blanket answer of YES for every question that she answered yes to.
But I would encourage her to think for herself– to act with intention instead of simply acting out of reflex.
And I would emphasize the fact that her body is her own vessel and that it has the potential to carry her around in ways and in situations that remind her how powerful confident and beautiful she can choose to be at any given time.
I would let her know as soon as she could understand it, just how powerful that choice can be.
Okay, I know it’s easy to sit here and simplify the relationship of a young girl with her own body.
I know it’s not THAT simple…but it also doesn’t have to be so DAMN hard.
Ask any woman you know, and I guarantee they she had some sort of body-image struggle at some point that robbed her of feeling powerful, confident, and beautiful.
So just imagine for a moment that you heard the above about YOUR body when you were growing up.
Think you would feel any differently than you do now?
I’m guessing yes.
I can’t wait to share with you what I would teach my future daughter about food and eating….but I’ll have to save that for another day.
