A couple of months ago a friend came to me beside herself:
“My daughter called herself fat”
She went on to say…
“I don’t know where she got it from? I never talk like that in front of her. I’m always telling her how beautiful she is, how smart she is… “
“And besides… there’s not an ounce of fat on her. Her thighs are literally the size of my arm!”…
“What do I say to her? How can I help her? What am I supposed to do?”
I could immediately FEEL her pain. I know how much my mom (and dad) would’ve given anything be able to help me and my fragile moments as a little girl when I felt ‘fat’.
I could FEEL my own pain simply imagining my 12-year-old or 9-month-old niece uttering those same words to me.
And I could FEEL that same heartbreak I feel when any woman feels that – – sees herself through her “fat” goggles – – regardless of her age, life experience, or dress size. That feeling does NOT discriminate.
So I thought long and hard. I pondered. I asked myself a lot of deep, ‘naked’ questions, and here’s what I came up with.
➤ It’s the same thing I would go back and tell myself if I were younger, if I had to do it all over again, or if I gained back all the weight I lost and had to start over.
➤ It’s the same thing I would tell my niece, my daughter, my friend’s daughter, or anyone else’s daughter if they ever needed it or doubted themselves
➤ And it’s the same thing I truly know and believe to be true for you now – – right now in this moment and from here on out.
Because it’s NOT something they teach you in school…or is even readily available ‘out there’.
⇛ You must LEARN something NEW ⇚
See something you didn’t see, hear something you didn’t hear, feel something you didn’t feel, and ultimately create an experience unlike any experience you’ve ever had before.
★ Step 1: (Re)learn how to EAT.
Not how to count food. Not how to measure. Not how to portion control. How to use food as food and eat with freedom and choice and pleasure. Because if loving warm chocolate chip cookies is wrong, I don’t want you to be right.
★ Step 2: (Re)learn how to PLAY.
Not how to force yourself to exercise. Not how to ‘muddle your way through’ something til the minute hand reaches a certain number on the clock. Not how to regiment yourself, punish yourself, or talk yourself into anything. Not how to hide your body, hide your true desires for joy and fun and connection. To go experiment and be a kid again, to feel like a woman, and to play. But let your body be wherever it is. Meet it THERE.
★ Step 3: (Re)learn how to LIVE.
Not how to put your life on hold for your goals. Not how to wait until you’re skinnier, fitter, richer, or until you get “there” to do what you want, eat what you want, be who you want, and feel how you want to feel. To live in the right now – – without shame of your past, or fearing what will happen in the future– – I mean really LIVE
★ Step 4: (Re)learn how to LOVE yourself.
Accept that it won’t happen overnight. That it’s a journey, its a process, and it definitely won’t look or play out as you originally imagined it…
But know that if you grow it – – if you start at the roots and nurture it and feed it and water it — it will grow. It will flourish. You’ll end up with this beautiful, boundless, can–always–count–on–it ‘home-grown’ love.
So THAT is what I’ll teach my daughter. THAT is what I’ll remind myself when I get lost or forget. And THAT is what I’ll keep coming back to as the breadcrumbs I need to keep coming back to ME. ❤❤❤
